…Perhaps we were only mildly entertained. Regardless, please enjoy! If you are looking for Kaylia's official Website please visit KayliaMetcalfeWriter


I am practically speechless.

There you are. Our little Fishy.

We heard your heartbeat. The doctor says you are good sized and attached perfectly.

We are due in September, our anniversary month.

Meaning you were created on the 1st of January.

I cried when I heard your heart beating.

Afterwards we went out for breakfast. We called everyone. I kept touching my stomach. Daddy kept touching my hand.

Is this real?


Introducing Fishy!

Roses are red
A deep crimson hue
And this is a poem
Containing some news

We’re ready to share
To proclaim to the world
That we are expecting
A little boy or a girl!

We’re tickled, we’re joyful
We’re full of pizzazz
We can’t wait to become
A mom and a dad!

We have so much to do
So much to remember
Our bundle of joy
Arrives in September!


Playing with color setting on my camera.
Walking around in circles.
Eating an orange.
Peeling another one just to feel the way it separates between my fingers.


Walking with Daddy in the outdoor mall at Sierra Vista.

I guess this counts as my 'early" since I don't have a "before" photo.

I can't wait to bring you to the outdoor mall and run around with you. That's a wishing well/fountain behind me. Daddy and i both wished for a healthy Fishy!

Yes, Fishy is what we are calling you right now.... we don't have a name and you are pretty Fish-like with your tail and all :0


Your cousins Ethan and Max came to visit today.  That's Max looking pensively out the window.

for fun we started throwing around name suggestions.

Apparently, your dad hates all the boy names I can think of. Is it too soon? I won't rest easy until the doctor's appointment.


Another way to distract oneself: going for walks.

Walking to the nearby Starbucks (for tea) is both good for me, and good for you.

Also, I realized, while buying my tea, that I NEEDED a banana. Now, I normally hate bananas, but you apparently needed one.

First oatmeal, then veggies, and now bananas? Sheesh!

And yes, I like this photo, I like the colors.


This week is dragging.

But... we carry on and we distract ourselves.

Today that was by organizing books in the LGBT Community Center's library... including this one.


Let me just say that if you are gay, straight, bi, trans, or just plain queer..... I will love you. no matter what!


Doing my part! Eating healthy. I woke up this morning needing veggies! I made this big bowl and then sat down and wolfed 'em down. In one sitting. no breaks for reading or tv watching..... just me, you, and the veggies!


The fear.

(Seemed like a good photo for today..... it is foggy outside, very foggy.)

The fear.

Fear of getting one's hopes up
Fear that the loss of the past will be the loss of the present

I took another test. I keep checking to make sure i'm not bleeding.

I go see the doctor next week, until then, it's just Daddy and me in a cocoon of fear and hope and can't concentrate on anything.


What do you do on the first day of the rest of your life?

I made lists and decided to eat the last of the pizza in preparation of eating super healthy from now on.

So hard to not start shouting from the rooftops.

Because there is the excitement. the thrill.

And, of course, the fear.


The test was positive.

The test was POSITIVE.

I took it twice.


My hand was shaking so bad when i showed Daddy. We got back into bed and just lay there looking at the ceiling. "Is this real?"

First picture of us as parents.

(With the new camera and the timer function)

We already love you.



Driving home.
From Gilroy.
Visiting friends (Aunt Kelly)
Talking about the future (bookshop in Gilroy?)

We want to be in our own bed tonight. we want to be in our own bed tomorrow morning.

We take the test tomorrow.


We were in Santa Cruz today. Daddy needed to do some research at the University.(your daddy is very very smart).

On the way to Santa Cruz we stopped in Los Banos to use the restroom. As we were getting into the car, I thought "Darn, I should have had a smoke while we were stopped, now I have to wait another hour and a half.... "

Here's the thing. I don't smoke.

I have never (regularly) smoked. (Yes, I have inhaled, I have even helped Uncle Mark finish off a cig, but I have never been a smoker.)

So... that was a weird thought to randomly have, right? Right.

Daddy asks, "How late is your period?" I can hear the hope and the excitement in his voice. We have to wait another day to take a test.

Anyway, in Santa Cruz while Daddy is off being all smarty pants, I hung out with Aunt Rachel. We walked in the rain and had lunch, it was lovely.  Eventually we went to bookshop Santa Cruz. Now, I have been trying to find the perfect gift for Daddy for that day (maybe soon) when we find out you are on your way. Aunt Rachel helped me pick out a little UCSC tee shirt, a baby sized one.

The photo is of me and Aunt Rachel right after we bought it.... Is this the first picture of you too?



Photo with the new camera!

I made cookies!

Snicker-doodles to be exact.

Aunt Robin needed comfort food. I needed something to do to keep my mind busy.

And, yeah, it is just a shot of cookies... but there are layers and levels of shapes.... so, sort of artistic, right? right.

Period still late. I can take a test..... soon....


Ok, yes, this is another photo of olive.


It is a photo of Olive on the bubble wrap that came around my new camera! (I'm still figuring out how to use it).

The camera, by the way, was also son the Pre-Baby list.  See how ready we are for you? A washing machine and a camera... what else do you need? :P

Yes. my period is still late.


We now own our very own washer and dryer!

We need to get a longer cord for the dryer, Daddy needs to fix the latch on the washer, and there might be a leak...  (they are hand me downs) but still... they are ours!

I'm excited.

Partly because carrying baskets of laundry is no fun, partly because hoarding quarters is no fun, partly because having to take turns with communal machine sis no fun...

... but also because having our own washer and dryer was part of the Pre-Baby stuff we wanted! now if 9when/) you arrive I can wash your cloth diapers a bit easier!


Now that the Christmas scarf craziness is behind me (I made 26 scarves last year) it is time for a new project.

Maybe a baby blanket?

Or booties?

No! I keep telling myself that my period is just barely late.... and wanting it this badly is just setting myself up for disappointment.


Patience is hard.

We moved the furniture. The ugly couch is in the game room (someday nursery?) and the futon from Grandma and Grandpa Lee is in the living room. Also, the curtains are finally all hung up. I love the curtains. I haven't lived in a place with curtains since I lived with my parents. They really pull the room together, make it feel more homey.

A quiet Sunday evening.... trying to be patient and not get too hopeful.


Mmmm fried tofu!

This was at a restaurant, but Uncle Eric says he thinks he can make this at home.

I know I need to relax... but my period is late and I couldn't help but think of how much fun you might have stacking the little tofu blocks.

Deep breath.



The nice part about not starting a job yesterday... we got to visit with Aunt Annie and your cousin Noe!

She makes me want to meet you so bad!

When noe was born i got to stay with Aunt Annie for a while and help take care of her. I know that had a pretty big impact on making me realize how badly i wanted to create you.  Now, a year later, we are trying and she is growing up so fast!


Ok, today was supposed to be the first day of work.

The photo is of the decalf coffee i drank while I waited for the bus to take me to the first day of work.


Apparently, my blood work is slightly off, i am borderline for the measles and so to take teh job I have to take the MMR vaccine.

Now, you will know this about me later, but I love vaccines. I have no problem with them, i know better than to think they cause autism etc.  BUT, the MMR vax causes miscarriages in early pregnancy and would make it so I couldn't keep trying to have you for several more months.

Daddy and i decided to pass on the MMR vax so that we could keep trying for you (plus, my January period hasn't happened yet, there is a tiny chance you are already here).

This means passing on the job.

I'm bummed.  But I don't want anything to put you or even your very existence at risk.

And, isn't the steam from my coffee pretty/? Yes, let's dwell on that.


With the new job starting in just a few days, I have a lot to do at home. today I made lasagna to freeze.

I love making lasagna... it takes forever, seriously, but it is so worth it! And I love that Daddy and our friends love to eat it!


On the bus again.... off to get my TB test and blood draw for that job at Kaiser!
The money will be great, the benefits will be great, the location is pretty good,.....

I can't wait to start working again. it has only been a few weeks but I am so ready!!!! And just think of all the new friends I will make at the new job!


Oh my Kindle! How do I love thee!
I love being able to get books from the library without leaving the couch!

I hope by the time you come into being we live closer to a less scary library. The one I go to now is a bit... ummm... overrun with angry looking teenagers. The kind with knives and grudges.

I want you to love to read the way I and Daddy do... and i want you to be able to do story time summer reading programs!

So, yes, hopefully we will not have to rely on the Cedar-Clinton branch!


Last summer Uncle Patrick and Aunt Stacy gave us a gift card to Red Lobster.
We finally had a chance to use it tonight.

So yummy!

And yes, we are cute and happy. 


Yay! An artistic shot! Finally!

This is Daddy using his pin hole camera.

We hung out outside in the sunshine and he and Uncle Eric  practiced.  The thing is, with these sorts of cameras you don't see the photo right away, the film has to be sent off to be developed. So, we don't know if any of their shots came out... but mine sure did!

I can't wait to take hundreds of pictures of you!

So, there is this girl on the bus...

So, yesterday was kind of a rough day.... but it had a nice ending.

Here is a bit of the day that was more funny than awful:



Your mommy wears combat boots.
And, in this case, motorcycle boots.

These boots require two pairs of socks at all times to avoid blisters.

I hope you like walking as much as your Daddy. i walk when I have to, but as a general rule i would ather get my exercise by dancing and swimming. your daddy on the other hand, loves walking and does it a LOT.

I'm a Pusher... or at least a Pusher-Backer!

I was recently “tagged” into a FB debate about vaccines.
(not for the first nor the last time….)

The article in question was called 4 Ways to Restore Trust in the US Vaccination Program and and can be found here.

Apparently the problem anti vax people have with vaccines is that they haven’t been given sufficient reason to trust the US Vaccination System.

So…. Stop taking the medicine because the doctor’s office hasn’t been touchey feely enough to make you feel good about it?

Ok, that was overly snarky. I’ll try to tone it down.

Here was my response to said article, in case any of you are interested.

(Since I respond to tha author’s pints directly –in my own circular way- you might want to at least skimt he article before jumping into my rant.-

First off I will agree with her that a lot of us “vaccine pushers” do tend to lump those whorefuse to vaccine into the “anti vax” category. Because, well, if the shoe fits. And yes, the majority of those who are against vaccines (and are loudly vocal about it) tend to belong to the camps that cite random websites, old (disproven) data, or also spout gems of child rearing wisdom as “Vitamin D will save us all! Take tons of it!!!!” So yeah, it can be hard to have a rational debate.

That being said, her arguments are old and tired and have been written against far more eloquently than I can ( In fact if you want to just ignore the rest of my rant and read that, I think it addresses many of the points raised quite well….

I am not an expert either, just a concerned citizen, aunt and hopeful mother –to-someday-be. (Can we just agree right here to cease with any of the “you don’t have kids, you don’t understand” nonsense? Please?
See, already my hackles are up, as I am sure her’s were when she wrote this.

(Tangent time: we seem, as a society to get fixated on polarizing viewpoints and debates that could be civil find their way into the personal attack mode. No longer are those on the other side people on the other side, they become enemies…. And our continued discourse reflects that. This happens on both sides, sadly, and I really hope it doesn’t happen here. Ok, back to it…)

Her first point: Yes and no. It would be ideal if such studies were a viable option. They aren’t. Partly for the reasons she lists, partly because you are looking for causation without any sort of parameter. It is, from my understanding, virtually impossible to see all the possible long term effects of anything in a way that she asks for. And we do have decades worth of vaccine information showing us that mortality rates lower with vaccine use. They have already been scientifically proven to work. Proven! Yes, there are risks. There are risks inherent to everything in life from having a glass of water, to getting a tetanus shot to crossing the street. But the teeny tiny highly unlikely risk to my kid in order to big picture increase the health of the majority of people,… well for many of us that is acceptable risk.

-This gets into an argument that she didn’t make about the self vs the society. If you are interestedin talking more about that one, let me know. I’ll try to stick to what she said though in this already very very long response.-

Next: Support Informed Consent: Sure! She says that she wasn’t given the VIS sheets… well that is a problem with her medical office, not a problem with vaccines. Let’s differentiate between the two, okay? Some doctors are assholes. Some doctor’s offices are lazy. That I no way means that the medicine they have is tainted or evil.  She also says the VIS sheets are misleading. How so? I read her example… it lists horrific stats about HepB that can be avoided with a vaccine? And yes, your child might not be super susceptible right this second to whatever, but they will be exposed later on. Better to get the vaccination done now. Again, they don’t hurt you. Again, they are medically proven to work. So, sure, get informed consent, but no one should be able to cherry pick what that means.

Nest: Choice: Again, sure! Her examples (anecdotal I might add and therefore not really statiscially viable) indicate the failings of people… not vaccines. Okay, the staff wasn’t ware of the rights of the patient. That is a staff awareness problem, not an issue of the vaccine. She wants to work on increasing awareness, I’m all for it. Sure, you can refuse based on XYZ. But then you have to live with the consequences… and if that means your potentially germy kid can’t play with mine or that my doctor’s office can and should refuse to treat you in order to protect the rest of us… well, that was your choice. Then we get into separate vaccines. 

Ok… a while ago the big upcry was the number of shots…. Poor baby! Getting shot after shot! So, they combined them for fewer shots and now the uproar is that there are combined shots. Come on people. Also, in most cases the vaccines are available separately. But it is more convenient for the patient, the doctor, and yes the evil Pharma, to do them all at once. Yes, Pharma makes money off vaccines. So what? Big Pharma mongrels could be drinking puppy urine and having S and M parties with albino Martians. Their products are still safe and scientifically proven effective.

Which brings us to the next point: The vey short “we don’t trust their motives” part of the piece. This is ,again, an od argument. So what? So what if they make money givins us life saving treatment? Woldn’t you pay anything for the safety of your child? And today everything is connected to everything. And… if you want to talk about government corruption, fine! Let’s talk. Let’s get on the same side of th protest line and hold those jerks accountable. That DOESN”T change that the vaccines work and should be administered.
Her last arguement: a rehash of above. Pharma hasn’t been shielded. And if you think they have, work toward fixing that… but leave the products out of Because again, she is mixing the issues. Being anti government, being anti government corruption or court rulings that corporations are peole is totally a separate thing than being anti medicine… that is proven effective.

And lastly, she comes full circle. Don’t be misogynistic towards anti vax people. (Yes, I am sticking with that term as I seem to have been labeled a Vaccine Pusher). Don’t lump them all into one group, call ‘em stupid and leave it be. I…. actually agree. 

To a point. 

Because once you are presented with the mountain of evidence that vaccines work, that they help the general public, that they aren’t any more or less dangerous  than anything else, that they won’t make your kid autistic…. And you still refuse to do them? You still willfully put your kids and then my kids at risk? Then, it is hard to be polite. The discussion, as I said before, gets muddy with emotion. On both sides.

Ok. I’m sure this is just the beginning…. 

New Year New and Old List of Things To Do

First blog of the new year… but hey, only have to be first once, right?

It’s been a weird few days since the end of the holiday hoopla. There has been the paper-pusher craziness that is currently resulting in me having a job offer but no job despite a start date of next week.

There is also the inevitable slump of spirits post the month of December. Which, I feel is understandable. December has my birthday, Christmas, New Years eve all in one glorious month! January boasts… cold weather.

 Anyway, I plan on being productive this year. As usual.
I plan on finally training myself to not bite my nails. As usual.
I plan on working out more and eating better. As usual.
I plan on being kinder to myself. As usual.

 Not so usual: I plan on vloging, blogging, finishing my novel, keeping my hair short, and continuing my en pal adventures with both the inmate and the man in mourning. (More on them later.)

 To that end…. Enjoy!


And just in case that didn’t do it for you (understandable) enjoy this!



Uncle Eric and Aunt Robin at the LGBT Community Center.

Having dinner with them is always fun.... Aunt Robin loves to hostess and she always puts out quite a spread. I used to really enjoy the wine that flows so freely at her house, but since we are trying for you, no wine for me!


Today's photo:

I promise, they all won't be of Olive.

She looked so comfy on the spot of sunshine though!

We adopted Olive from the Santa Cruz SPCA last August. She was the friendlies cat we interviewed. It makes me feel more like a family now that she is with us.


This is not a very good photo of me.

It was cold. I was on my way to an interview, I was about to use my phone's camera to help me put my lipstick on.

Yeah. Anyway.The interview is for a job at Kaiser in the occ med department. I think I did well!

Daddy says i look like an aviator. i think he is trying to make me feel better.

Regardless, it is today's photo!



Why a photo a day? well, i hope that some will be artisitc, some will be silly, some will just be a bit of a reminder of what life was like as we were getting ready for you.

And.... in the event that you don't come right away (or at all) then I will have this record... and i don't know, maybe it will help.

Anyway.  Here is today's shot:

Yep. Daddy and Olive playing.

They are quite a pair.She loves having her belly scratched.


Happy New Year Baby to Be!

Today we start a new turn of the wheel... and a new month. We have been trying to create you (we tried again this morning) but while we wait, we continue on.

New Years Resolutions:

1. Take a photo every day
2. Stop biting my nails.
3. Finish first draft of Shina
4. Make new friends (not to replace, just to have more)
5. Stay healthy
6. Make you!

So, in light of that first one....

Today's photo is Daddy and Uncle Eric building pin hole cameras from kits. i got Daddy his kit for his birthday... Uncle Keith helped me pick it out.... and uncle Eric was so excited that he went out and got his own.  They plan on taking all sorts of photos and playing aroundwith light and shutter speed etc.