…Perhaps we were only mildly entertained. Regardless, please enjoy! If you are looking for Kaylia's official Website please visit KayliaMetcalfeWriter

Sin: Sloth

It’s that time again.. time for sin!

Welcome to week 3 of my mini-meme

Kay's Seven Deadly Sins Meme

(still not an artist)

(Again special thanks to those of you playing and those of you reading. If you want to find out about how to play, Read This.)

Our next Sin is: Sloth.

Sloth: not the cute little guy from the movie Ice Age… but the sin of Sloth.

“habitual disinclination to exertion; indolence; laziness”

Doesn’t sound that bad does it? I mean haven’t we all had days (weekends) when we just didn’t want to do anything? Sure, and that is fine. I think when Sloth becomes a sin is when we chose inaction over action and it causes harm either to ourselves or to others.

… and since this is my blog that is the definition I am going with.

So let’s talk about inaction. Let’s talk about something uncomfortable. I dare you to read the whole thing.

Let’s talk about Domestic Violence.

Yes, I know… what a drag to talk about right? How many of you will even bother to read this post? Will your eyes glaze? Will you skip down? Will you skip it completely?

Sadly that is indicative of how many people view domestic violence… a ‘that isn’t my problem” sort of attitude., or a “that is too dark to dwell on/read about/think about right now/this morning/before bed…”


A while ago some very brave and wonderful women started a blog called Thank you for reading.

Violence Unsilenced… a place where victims could share their stories.

I support this blog… I have the banner up on the side bar and everything.

But I don’t click on it.

I see the updates in my Google reader… but I turn away, I scan the title and then I find another blog to read, something funny… something endearing, something politically up my alley if you know what I mean.

Why? Because their stories are horrific. Because sometime they strike too close to home. Because, like a lot of people, I don’t want to dwell on the negative, the dark, the discouraging, the horrible.

But then I read something like this article which talks about how young people viewed the whole Rihanna / Chris Brown debacle:

• 71% said arguing was a normal part of a relationship
• 44% said fighting was a normal part of a relationship
• 51% said Chris Brown was responsible for the incident
• 46% said Rihanna was responsible for the incident
• 52% said both individuals were to blame for the incident, despite knowing at the time that Rihanna had been beaten badly enough to require hospital treatment
• 35% said the media were treating Rihanna unfairly
• 52% said the media were treating Chris Brown unfairly

Scary isn’t it.

I started thinking “why/” and among the many reasons that I could come up with for young people to have such a misguided view of the situation I thought about how we treat domestic violence, how we think about it, how we react to it, how we deal with it.

We don’t.

Because it is hard to handle, it is hard to digest, it is hard to think about.

Because a lot of the time we feel helpless… why bother to read yet another story about yet another person being mistreated? What can we do?

We can, actually, do a lot.

And we all know it.

One thing we can do is to not turn a blind eye. To not gloss over the situation, to not force ourselves to look long and hard at the bruises left behind.

We can read stories of survival and we can let them become part of our context, part of how we see the world.

And we can teach the next generation that there is no good reason to hit or be hit, fighting is NOT a regular part of a relationship, and that we all must take personal responsibility for our actions.

Start by clicking on Violence Uncilenced, today.

Don’t give in to this sin of sloth, this idea of undesired exertion and apathy… don’t choose inaction.

I dare you.

It isn’t too late to participate in the 7 Deadly Sins Meme, Read This, post something on your blog before next Friday and then don’t forget to put your info in Mr. Linky


Meg said...

Dang! I hate having to click on a domestic violence site before my morning coffee.

But I will. And I do support the site and what Maggie is doing. Thanks for the nudging.

maryt/theteach said...

Kay, I have the Violence Unsilenced badge up on my sidebar too. Excellent and important take on "Sloth." Now I'll start thinking about my post!

Raven said...

Excellent post. I'll check out the domestic violence site. I had heard those statistics before and they truly are stunning and disturbing. I have a friend who is trapped in a situation and trying to escape. At this point the violence is emotional not physical. I am helpless to get her out of it. She has 11 animals and no money which is why she is stuck. But I'm rambling. Sorry. I posted something incoherent on sloth.

Anonymous said...

This is a wonderful post, and it's the second of its kind I've read in two days. Before I started the site I had no idea people felt this way -- thank you for bringing it to light, and for reminding us that we sometimes have to face the hard things. Thank you SO much for supporting VU.

maryt/theteach said...

Kay, my post is up! I'm sorry I signed Mr. Linky before I had my post up...wasn't thinking.

Anonymous said...

Couple of quick points:
1) There is a difference between domestic violence and abuse, and I'm not talking about nonviolent abuse here - I'm talking about nonabusive violence. It happens, it's more common than you might think, and it's perfectly acceptable among consenting people. From brotherly boxing to BDSM, there are plenty of good reasons to hit and be hit.

2) Self defense is a damned good reason to hit someone. If you're having an argument or dispute, and the other person grabs you by the neck, a swift boot to the groin is absolutely an acceptable response. I know you were specifically talking about the initiator being in the wrong, but the way you phrased it condemns self-defense as well.

3) Contrary to what our mothers have always told us, violence and the threat of violence is and has always been the most the common and effective solution to almost every problem. In "civilized" places, we simply pay other to do it for us. The entirety of the law is based on the threat of violence. I find the demonization of personal violent conflict resolution to be rather hypocritical.

Other than that, I do agree with you. I think abusive relationships are a scourge, and I think most people are too eager to look the other way, which encourages abusers to continue. I think most abusers are honestly screwed up the head and that therefore the threat of governmental retaliatory violence is a half-assed stopgap measure at best, and mostly serves to reinforce the cycle. As with most problems, education and public awareness must be a large part of the solution, as well helping the abusers to understand why what they do is wrong instead of merely threatening to lock them away in a cage with other violent misfits.

Kaylia Metcalfe said...

1. Yes there is a difference.. and I know that abuse can run the gamete of physical and nonphysical.. however, I would not actually put brotherly boxing or BDSM under the heading of abuse… Liking a bit of pain in your life doesn’t constitute abusive behavior (going by the definition of abuse that I think is widely understood.)
2. You are right… self defense is a great reason to hit BACK. I would hope that goes without saying. But in case anyone thinks I am anti-self defense, well no worries… I strongly support people defending themselves and I am very grateful for programs like the one I talked about in the post “In Defense of Self” that help women (and men) learn how to do it.
3. Common yes. Most effective? Well I think there is room to quibble here. Nonetheless my post (rant, whatever) was about Domestic Violence and the frequent apathy people have for it. We can discuss world politics and prison reform perhaps another time : )

“As with most problems, education and public awareness must be a large part of the solution…’ Exactly.

Anonymous said...

My point 1 was exactly that - that not all violence is abuse. Maybe I should have clarified that my entire response was to this one statement: "And we can teach the next generation that there is no good reason to hit or be hit..." I thought it was unnecessarily broad and it that it hurts your post to use it as part of your closing statement.

As for point #3, well you're right, there's quite a lot of room for disagreement, mostly centered around how you care to define the word "effective." I would posit that violence and the threat of violence has solved more problems in human history than all others combined. Doubly so if weighted by importance of the problem. Sure, we may argue over specifics as to what's more important than what else, but I think we can all agree that "what color tie should I wear today?" is far less pressing a concern than "there's a leopard in the cave!"

That is, of course, part of the problem here. We've been trained by millions of years of evolution and thousands of years of culture to go for the violent solution first. It's a long and uphill battle to change that.

C. JoyBell C. said...

hhhmmmm....rihanna....she's just sick in the head...ya know? :) Of all the men in the world who WOULDN'T beat her up...!!

Anonymous said...

Mojo sent me over to read this post. It certainly got me thinking about ways that sloth can effect others. I am shocked by the statistics you presented.
A blog friend wrote an excellent post about domestic violence:
I especially appreciated her writing because I was only dimly aware of this couple before, but now I am prepared to discuss it with teenagers.

Unknown said...

The effects of violence and abuse on children is mostly what I've seen and it's heartbreaking.

I helped out at a woman's shelter for a year when I was in my 20's and it was a real eye-opener. One of the things I was most affected by was to learn that a sizable percentage of women who sought help from the shelter were in lesbian relationships. Somehow in my then young and naive mind, women were above such things.

In any event, I applaud you for taking a stand on this issue.

Unknown said...

I wrote something about sloth, if you want to check it out. :-)

Anthroslug said...

Okay, I have added my own entry to the mix - and I have written (unsurprisingly) about anthropology.