Welcome to my mini-meme
Kay's Seven Deadly Sins Meme
(still not an artist)
(Again special thanks to those of you playing and those of you reading. If you want to find out about how to play, Read This.)
The Sin of the Week this time around is Envy.
Envy and jealousy are often used interchangeably, but in correct usage, both words stand for two different distinct emotions. In proper usage, jealousy is the fear of losing something that one possesses to another person (a loved one in the prototypical form), while envy is the pain or frustration caused by another person having something that one does not have oneself
Yep, straight from Wikipedia. (When is “Wikipedia” going to be added into the dictionary?)
Not the most fun sin… but then have any of them been fun? Oh right, there was Lust.
Even though they are different… I think I am going to write about jealousy today.
The last time I had a good case of the Jealous Jitters was several months ago in a coffee shop. The Maifan-San and I were there to have a relaxing afternoon of sipping overpriced drinks and writing… or in my case guzzling overpriced drinks and watching TV shows online while pretending to write. Anyway, we found seats near each other and as we unpacked our stuff, the pretty (very pretty) girl sitting near by struck up a conversation with The Maifan-San.
Let me elaborate… she was one of those really really pretty girls who is naturally pretty, good facial features, gorgeous blond hair that always looks like it just got brushed and fluffed, nice figure, open and sweet smile, and the one of those laughs that either makes you swoon or grates on your nerves in a big big way.
She was talking and laughing with the Maifan-San and it didn’t look like he was minding the irritating sound of her giggles one wee bit.
Jealousy: Front and Center
To be fair to him (and okay, to her) the conversation didn’t start off all that flirty… she started off by commenting on his tee shirt (a Santa Cruz University tee) and then the two of them moved from comparing notes about the college to other colleges, specifically that he had gotten his Masters in Santa Barbara and she had friends who lived there….
In fact I seriously believe that The Maifan-San was simply talking to her… but she? She was flirting. Trust me. I know the moves… the slight giggle and the turn to the side and glance back from the corner of your eye… the twirling of perfect hair around a perfectly manicured finger…. The playful accidental touching…
Okay, so she didn’t get far enough into it to actually attempt the last thing. I had fallen silent during the entire exchange and in the case of me, silence is pretty unheard of. (har-har) and it wasn’t long before The Maifan-San picked up on the fact that something was bothering me.
Again, to his credit, he didn’t know exactly what had crawled up my ass but he became very eager to fetch my drink and even did one of those wonderfully sweet gentle shoulder touch things as he walked by.
I took the opportunity of his absence to glare at the tart with my best “Isn’t it time you left?” look.
It didn’t work. He returned and again the conversation started up, she was now leaning forward cleavage exposed, her fingers gently rubbing her arm. I sent him back to the bar for a straw or a napkin or something and upped my glare to ‘Leave Now!”
This time it worked. She was gathering her things by the time he came back and didn’t even bother to say good bye to him.
“That was a little weird” he commented, settling into his chair and turning on his laptop.
“A little?” Oh yes, gentle readers I do believe there was a definite edge to my words.
‘Yeah, umm are you ok?”
“I would say that the flirting was a bit more than a little. More like a lot.” I talked without looking at him my fingers angrily typing random letters so as to appear busy.
“Oh.” He seemed genuinely surprised. ‘Well I didn’t think that at first, but then, yeah I started to wonder.’
Melting a bit now I responded a little kinder, “Yeah babe, that was flirting.”
Now he was concerned, “Not on my end.’
I rolled my eyes.
He put his laptop down and leaned over to kiss me.
I have no idea why that particular day I was so susceptible. I mean the Maifan-San is a big smart silly wonderful guy and I know that he has received the admiration and attention of several willing and able young women over the course of our relationship (On one memorable occasion a rather drunk bridesmaid all but crawled onto his lap in her effort to get him to agree to keep her company in her hotel room). I also know that he loves me and that he isn’t the sort to get distracted by a pretty face and turn into a drooling puddle of testosterone or be easily led astray by a illicit conquest.
But I was still jealous.
Also in the Wiki entry it says how jealousy/envy is related to a sense of low self estem and I would have to agree. I think everytime I have felt jealousy like with the Purple Sweatered Slut, it was because I was comparing myself to someone else and for whatever reason feeling that I didn’t measure up. In this case we had been out walking and I was grimy, hair messy, dirt under my fingernails, and I was most likely rocking breath that wasn’t super sweet. I was already feeling frumpy and then this Maybelline model started getting attention from the Maifan-San. Suddenly I felt fat, stupid, inarticulte, and overall grungy.
The thing is, that I was grumpy at The Maifan-San when who I was really upset was myself. I was directing my evil glares of bitchiness at Barbie over there but I again, I was really upset with myself.
Thankfully I got over it (and fairly quickly) and I talked about it with The Maifan-San. It didn’t really have an affect on our relationship except that I was reminded that he doesn’t mind my messy hair or the fact that I am not always put together and polished.
In fact his favorite photo of us at one point was this one… where you can clearly see neither one of us is all that interested in being polished and perfect… we are instead enjoying the moments of life.
Awwwww sweet eh?
Did I make you jealous?
Ok… your turn! Write, photo-blog, or even wax poetic about Envy over at your blog before next Friday, leave your name in Mr Linky and comment, and check back during the week! For more details, Read This.)