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When Appliances Go Bad.

(A Kitchen Tale)

Her name is Kelly and while she makes an excellent friend in that occasional brunch kind of way, there are times when the thought of her having children makes me worry.

A few days ago, Kelly was at home, spending her evening watching American Idol and no doubt painting her nails. She decided to pop a bit of left over fried chicken in the microwave for a snack. She was careful to take the foil off the chicken before putting it in; no need to repeat the Great Almost Fire of 2005. She set the microwave for 30 minutes and went back to the living room.

Nope, not a typo… 30 minutes.

She spent the next 30 minutes watching TV interrupted only by a trip to the bathroom, a stop over by the garage door to let the cat out, and a quick stop in the dinning room to open a window… because as she said later “It was getting kind of dark.”

When the microwave finally beeped and she opened it up a cloud of smoke poured out blinding her… it was around that time that the smoke alarm went off.

Confused and panicked, she did what any self respecting 25 year old woman would do. She called her boyfriend. But since he didn’t answer, she called me.

After the house had been sufficiently cleared out of smoke (age old technique of opening the windows and running a fan), the sad puddle of goo that had once been wax paper wrapped chicken disposed of, and she had calmed down I hung up and did one of those “oh my god!” hand gestures at the phone.

Setting the wrong time on your microwave is an easy enough mistake I’m sure… depending on how Idiot-Proof your microwave and its settings are. But, and here’s the clincher, just because you accidentally set the machine wrong doesn’t mean you shouldn’t notice that its still cooking, say… at some point between the intended 30 second mark and when the thing actually beeps at you. It's one thing to say fall asleep, or get distracted and lose track of the time, but to be sitting feet away from it, watching a time organized event, and even to have to let the cat out and open a window due to “darkness”…. I have to wonder, did she think that the microwave had (in its infinite wisdom as a kitchen marvel) decided on its own accord that the chicken needed more time?

Sadly, such a leap of reasoning from Kelly wouldn’t surprise me.


Trynyti said...

Very nice description! I loved how you told it from your perspective and great leaps of microwave intelligence are surely just around the corner! ;)

Keep up the writing, and let me know when you post more! :)

Kaylia Metcalfe said...

Thanks Mark, will do :)