STICKY

PERHAPS WE LEARNED SOMETHING.....
…Perhaps we were only mildly entertained. Regardless, please enjoy these Reviews, Responses, Works of Fiction, and Retellings brought to you by one who hopes to someday join the ranks of those who have written something worth reading.
(Kaylia Metcalfe)

Everything Old is New Again.

I have been 35 for a month now.

I made it through the holidays mostly intact and without gaining any weight (no small feat to be sure).

And now... it is the start of a new year and the start of my downhill slide to 40.

And like many birthdays and New Years Days in the past, I am considering my options and goals... and this year I am finding that I don't really like the plans I am formulating..

I don't feel like I can make a writing goal as I didn't meet the last several writing goals I set for myself and with my eyes being the way they are (glaucoma that ebbs and flows despite all the medication)

I don't feel like I can even make a "read X number of books" goal for the same reason.

The nonprofit that I have poured my time and energy into is going through some changes... and while those are good and necessary, I don't know how I fit into the organization anymore... and coupled with the frustration of not having reliable vision and eye energy to do things, I feel like maybe I should take even more steps back so that someone more qualified and with more energy can step forward.

And I have pretty much decided to stop trying to not bite my fingernails. I am 35 years old. I think I just need to let that one go. I bite my nails. It is gross and hurts my jaw... but I cannot seem to stop and you know what? I am tired of feeling guilty about failing.

Of course, there are still areas where I can set goals. Health /wellness, financial security, home projects, and of course Ella's ongoing education and empowerment.

And while I am excited about those goals and the benefits I will reap from meeting them, it is a very odd sensation to not be including writing or reading in my long term )or short term) plans.

I feel like part of my personality has splintered off and left this huge gaping hole.

Honestly, if I think about it too much I start to freak out and want to cry and stomp my feet and throw things.

But that's not really all that productive, is it?

And being productive... being a better steward of my time and energy... making good choices and modeling this for my daughter, these are part of my goals.

So I guess I will do something else.

I'm 35. I'm an adult.

And I don't really know who I am anymore. So here's to 2016 being the year I figure that out.

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