STICKY

PERHAPS WE LEARNED SOMETHING.....
…Perhaps we were only mildly entertained. Regardless, please enjoy these Reviews, Responses, Works of Fiction, and Retellings brought to you by one who hopes to someday join the ranks of those who have written something worth reading.
(Kaylia Metcalfe)

6-30-12



Here we are at Stacy and Patrick's wedding.

It was the most wonderful wedding... so laid back and yet elegant. The food was great, the decorations were perfect, and the venue was spectacular.

We are so happy for Stacy and Patrick, they are such a great couple and they are so well matched.

I was a bridesmaid and I have the obi belt to prove it :)

Someday your daddy and I will get married and you will be there! You will get to dress up and be fawned over... I can only hope our wedding is as nice as Stacy and Patrick's was!



6-29-12


We drove to San Jose and got to see Uncle Mark.

He is pretty excited to meet you too!

He has been one of my best friends for years now. I wonder who your best friends will be as you grow up.....







6-28-12


My new best friend.

Thanks to you and your pressure on my back, I am in almost constant discomfort that often times turns to actual pain.

But with this little guy, I can actually relax.

The only bad thing is that he sets off a lot of warmth and it has already been so warm... so I find myself under a fan guzzling ice water while my back sweats and sweats....

But it will all be worth it!






6-27-12



Books!!!! A box of books came in the mail today!

From Aaron and Nicole, friends from Sacramento.

So much fun to get boxes in the mail! So much more fun to have the box full of gifts... and best of all, a gift of books!!!

I simply can't wait to read them to you and someday for you to read them to me!




6-26-12


Not as healthy tonight...

This wasn't dinner, but dessert.

Yay for milk.

Yay for cookies.

Yay for couch cuddles with your daddy and watching TV shows with snacks!

This is the sort of thing I am looking forward to after you get here, the day to day normal life stuff that we will do as a family.





6-25-12



Making another big salad.

Dinner time in our house tonight was Daddy cooking in the kitchen, me chopping up stuff for the sald, and Olive running around in circles.

Domestic bliss!





6-24-12


Daddy put together your crib today!!

I am so excited that I can hardly sit still.  SO looking forward to having you in our home and helping us make our little family a little bit bigger.

The nursery is coming together so nicely!





6-23-12


Today Aunt Robin and aunt Kelly took me out for a fancy high English tea.

We dressed up and used high manners... and ate and ate and ate...

So many different kinds of tea! So many different little snacks!

So, I'm not really into the girly thing for the most part, but this was quite fun.






6-22-12


I was on another LGBT panel today. (I'm the "B")

I like doing these panels because I think it is important for people to see the people behind the labels.

I want you to know that no matter what label you have, I will love you.

I really hope that you grow up in a safe and secure society that doesn't care who you want to sleep with or who you happen to follow up.

That's what I'm working toward... we might not get there for your early years, but maybe by the time you are a teenager....  One can hope!






6-21-12



Yes.... computer games....

Insanely fun!

I finally got around to playing this delightful game and am hooked! The zombies are so silly and the strategy is so fun to figure out... It is like puzzles with cute animation!

To be honest, I used to be quite into Tetris.... but this new generation of games is so much more fun!

I can't wait to see what sorts of games you end up liking...



Trauma



Five years ago I was attacked in my apartment.

I won’t go into the details, but suffice it to say, I was a victim.

I spent the night in the hospital, I spent the next several months living in fear. I spent time at free clinics, at therapy sessions, and at the bottom of various bottles.

I was angry, I was scared.

But I survived. I managed to climb up and out. I found a way to not live in fear, to be open, and to not blame others (or myself).

Five years later, I am happy. I am settled. I am engaged to a wonderful man, I am pregnant with our child.

I have a life that bears no resemblance to that of the girl I was back then.

I have distanced myself from her, that girl who opened the door on that fateful afternoon.

I have distanced myself from her trusting invite of the “maintenance man,”

I have distanced myself from her moment of shock and paralysis that made her feeble attempts to fight almost laughable.

In fact, he did laugh.

I have distanced myself from the girl who sobbed, face down on the bathroom floor, who gave up because it hurt too much to fight.

But her shadow is never far, sometimes I see her in the mirror, her eyes wide, her skin bruised.

But there is a part of her, or myself, that I cling to, that was –somehow- there.

The part that sat up, who pulled herself up against the wall, who thought about letting herself go hysterical, of screaming until there was no more sounds in the world.

But decided not to.

That woman who got up, on shaky legs… it took four tries… and washed her face.

The woman who cleaned herself, who called for help, who sat in a hospital waiting room for hours and who maintained her dignity throughout photos, exams, and embarrassing condescending questions.

That woman who moved, who changed her life, who took self defense classes, again and again.

She isn’t perfect, that woman I became, she struggled. She gave into misery and made bad choices regarding her diet, her sex life, her behavior.

But she grew, and she continues to grow…. And the woman I am today, the mother I am becoming, well, she couldn’t have done it without that bit of inner strength that was found five years ago.

Trauma.

It changes us. It never really leaves us.

No matter the distance.

6-20-12


I will be running a CoC game in the coming weeks for some friends.

I am really excited... I hope this gives me the chance to be creative in small doses.

I also hope that this gaming group can continue well after you are born!






Resting... and the internet's cutest duck.

So....

My heart thing is under control as long as I rest.

Major rezt, but thankfully not bed rest




In other better news, this little duck is adorable!!!



Happy Summer Solstice!

6-19-12



Gulp.

20 pounds of baby.

And... who knows how many more pounds to go.

It's all good.. right? Right? It just means that you are growing big and healthy.


And... that's good.

But still.

Gulp.




6-18-12


Pretty sunflowers from Sonja and Alie!

Last year I grew the prettiest sunflowers in our garden... this year... I have grown nothing except weeds.

Yeah, I was more motivated last year and was full of a lot more energy.

Hopefully next year I will be able to do m=some more planting... I really enjoyed the flowers!






6-17-12


Father's Day!!!!!

A fun book of geeky projects for you to do with Daddy and then a hobby book just for Daddy... oh and brunch.

I can't wait for next year when you will be here!

When I was little we always did Father's / Mother's Day breakfast in bed. It was always so much fun... and it is a tradition that I want to pass on!

Father's Day



This is for the Maifan-San who is a father today even though little Ella is still pretty tiny... and tucked away inside my middle :)

I'm so very lucky to have a man as wonderful as him be the father of my child!

6-16-12



Brunch with a bunch of lovely of other little families!

From the left: Ashley and baby Richard, Alie (due a week after you) ME!, Jennifer and baby Jerm,and Cynthia with baby Piper!

I want to do it again and take another photo with full families!

It was so much fun hanging out with these other moms and babies!

Update re the pulse thing: I have to lay low and am on modified house rest.. which is much better than bed rest. But this does mean that I can't really exercise or take the walks I was enjoying....

6-15-12


Ummm! Salad!

Chopped baby carrots
Chopped red bell pepper
Chopped cucumber
Bag of lettuce

Delicious!

I can eat almost an entire bowl all by myself!

... but I do sometimes share with Daddy.

Sometimes.

6-14-12


Yep, that 's you in there!

And that delightful bit of cord and whatnot is a heart monitor that I got to wear for 24 hours as a way of seeing how dangerous my pulse spikes are to me and to you.

It was a pretty busy day today, and I know my pulse spiked a few times.... I just hope they can figure out a way to keep up both healthy WITHOUT having me be on bed rest.

I think I will go crazy if they put me on bed rest.

/fingers crossed!

6-13-12


Coalition meeting time!

I'm lucky it is just a few buildings down from where we live. My pulse has been all sorts fo scary high lately and it seems just going for even a short little walk tires me out and makes my heart go super pitter pat.

This coalition is all about decreasing the number of smokers in Fresno. I represent the LGBT Community... because well, partly because a lot of LGBT people smoke and partly because the coalition wanted a more varied coalition. Yes, it is a bit odd to me too.

Smoking.... smoking is gross and unhealthy and smelly and ... and addictive. The best way, it seems to me, to keep people from smoking is to have them never start. I am a part of this coalition because I want to help decrease the number of youth who start smoking.

You will have aunts and uncles who smoke. I really hope you follow in my and your daddy's footsteps though and never start. 

And I hope your aunts and uncles quit... I want them to be around when you are older.

6-12-12



It's only going to get hotter.

Blech.  I'm already feeling overheated all the darn time... I am very nervous about this coming summer!

Thank goodness for the pool!

Swimming: When I was little I had swim lessons... I had several years of swim lessons, to be honest, but I never really took to swimming or felt confident in the water. Last summer your daddy taught me again and I don't know if it was him or the fact that I'm older now, but suddenly it all clicked.  I loved treading water last summer and swimming back and forth in the pool. I love feeling tired and yet watching my stamina increase and my legs and arms tone up.  Not sure how much of that I am going to get this summer, but I am hopeful!


6-11-12



Purchased at Target.... a gift for another little one.

It made me think of the movies I watched as a kid and how the affected me.

Daddy and I are going to limit your TV / movies. It won't be as limited as I had it (we didn't have TV or internet when I was young, so the only way to see movies was in the theater or at someone else's house.

Your watching won't be as much as Daddy's was when he was little.

Instead we are going for a balance. We want you to not have any screen time until you are at least 2, and then to make it limited and a family event.

I know, this might changes and we might go a different way... but for now this is the plan. I just really really ant to avoid using the TV as a babysitter for you.

But oh wow are there a lot of movies I can't wait to show you when you are older!

6-10-12



A shelf!

It was a lot of work to find the right shelf.... I wanted one that would be big enough for books or whatnot but wouldn't be huge... it also needed to go on the wall above the other stuff but I didn't want a "floating" shelf as they tend to pull out of the wall and can sometimes fall or not be able to support much weight.

Facebook to the rescue!

After lots of internet searches and some helpful advice from friends, I settled on this shelf from Ikea. If I ever fel that it isn't doing as good as possible, Aunt robin and I will add brackets to the wall and underneath.

Regardless, Daddy installed it today and I already moved your stuffed animals up there. You are amassing quite a collection!

Quick Peeks!

A few quick peeks at the continueing project of the nursery.





6-9-12




Every Sunday (well, ok, sometimes on Saturedays)...

Ahem

Every weekend (mostly anyway) your daddy and I have a coffee date.

Although I don't drink coffee usually, but you get the point.

we go out to a bagel shop or a coffee shop and we visit and relax.  This is important because it allows us to take a break from "real life" for just a bit and reconnect.  I know we are closer because of this little tradition. spending time with your daddy is still one of my most favorite things to do.... a good sign since we are committed to being together for the long haul1

My parents did the same sort of thing. (although they did it on Sunday afternoons, after church and lunch). My sisters and I were left at home to entertain ourselves and my folks gave themselves a break.

Considering the rate of divorce and that my folks are still together and happy, I think that this little tradition of alone time, of date time, of focusing on the relationship time, is a good thing and I am pleased that your daddy and I have already started it.

6-8-12




Another visit with baby Piper.

As I was holding her, she was resting on my baby bump (you).

She farted... which made me giggle but you kicked her! Right in the botom!

Which made me giggle even harder.

I know it is all random, your little moves, but it was fun to think that you were saying "Hey! That's my mommy!"

I might get the chance to babysit little Miss Piper a bit next month... I'll call it Ella practice :)


6-7-12




ZOMG! It's a Monkey Box! Full of baby socks!

I tell you what, decorating your nursery has gotten a lot more fun once I decided to go with baby safari / jungle animals and have given myself permission to monkey around a bit.

Hee!

We have gotten a lot of hand me downs but the monkey box is new... just for you, my little fishy --> monkey baby!

I wonder how many of the things we are getting for you now will even make it into your memories....

JC Penny's and the Gay Dad Ad



The copy reads: "What makes Dad so cool? He's the swim coach, tent maker, best friend, bike fixer and hug giver — all rolled into one. Or two. Real-life dads, Todd Koch and Cooper Smith with their children Claire and Mason." 

You can almost hear the sound of one million bigoted moms cringing in unison. 


I love JC Penny's.

RIP Ray Bradbury


I haven’t listened to country music in a while… but today I got a hankering while I was cleaning.

Country music has changed.

Or maybe, just maybe, I have.

Lyrics like “I wanna check you for ticks” (as part of the chorus) do little to inspire me. Or entertain me.

Yeah… I guess I have grown up a bit.

In other news, Ray Bradbury died today.  Author of “The Martian Chronicles,” “Fairenhight 451,” and “Something Wicked This Way Comes,” he was one of the most influencial sci fi writers of the past century.

He also wrote a few Alfred Hitchcock pieces…. See below.



A salute to one of my favorite authors. (note: NSFW)

6-6-12




We took Baby Piper (onthe right) and Baby Richard (left) to the park today.

It was a lot of fun watching them play. I can't wait to take you to the partk... I can't wait to watch you play with your little baby toddler friends.

WE didn't go to the park a lot when I was young, we never lived in a place with nice safe parks. I really hope that your daddy and I find a way to make park play a part of you little life.




6-5-12


Yeah.

This was my day. I organized the hall closet.

And you know what? It made me happy.  

So there. :P

I hope you like organizing things as much as I do!





Alone! (well, sort of)


We are now alone.

Well, sort of. There are four of us. One who fights epic battles with flies and takes up very little space....
Olive: Protector of the house!


One who is tiny and makes her presence known mostly through kicks and by jumping on my bladder. 

Matt, Me, and Fishy makes three!


But still. We are more alone than we have been for a while…..

See, back in April a couple that we are friends with split… and one half of that couple ended up staying with us. This was actually a pretty sweet deal for all concerned. We got some extra money, he got a place to live in Fresno. All was well.

But.

But I’m pregnant and not terribly wild about sharing all the day in day out stuff with anyone not my Maifan-San.

But we are preparing ourselves and our home for little Ella-Fish… which means collecting hand-me-downs…. Which have been slowly taking over the living room….

Forget about getting a book or a movie....


But proximity doesn’t always breed comfort. Sometimes it breeds “Gee, I need my own space….”

But being on doctor’s orders to not exert in any way physically (includes no sex) makes me grumpy… especially when others just down the hall have no such limitations and can celebrate coitus.

But not being able to sleep in my undies, leave the bedroom door open at night for the cat, and have access to my office… these things wear on one after a while.

So, while I was happy to be able to help a friend and to get some extra cash… I was pretty happy when he told us he had found a new apartment and would be moving.

Which he did.

Yesterday.

Last night I flounced around in lingerie. I sat in an unladylike manner…. And I moved all that baby stuff into the baby room and started the nesting that I have wanted to do for months now!

Because I could! 

Work in progress: Nursery part one.

Work in progress, Nursery part two

My living room.... has returned!


Yay!


6-4-12



Jennifer brought over her kids and they played today.

It was fun watching them be totally entertained by a puddle fo water for over an hour!

Ahh... the simple things.....

6-3-12



Your dad is on a mission.

To rid our house of bugs.

Little bugs, big bugs, icky bugs... no matter... He wants them dead and gone.

I fully support this mission (even if flies bug me a tiny bit more). Today we bought some stuff to help kill the bugs... and then he set to work.

Bugs... begone! There's a Daddy in this house who doesn't want you anywhere near any of the baby stuff!

In other not related news.. Eric moved out today giving our house back to us... for a few months at least :)

6-2-12



Happy Pride 2012!!

This year I wasn't in the parade, I worked the table for the whole event... and I am So Freakin' Tired!

But glad. It was a great day, we saw a lot of people took a lot of cool photos, gave out lots of fliers and even sold some merch!

My pulse was a bit of an issue, but we managed... and I am so glad to be a part of the Gay Central valley team! I can't wait to take you to Pride parades when you are little!

Although.... although I really hope that the need for them won't as much when you are older.

6-1-12



Friday night, TV via laptop and cuddles in bed.

Pretty darn nifty if you ask me.

I used to like to go out.. to dance, to party, to roam the streets in the wee hours, to watch the sun come up with blurred and tired vision...

But now? now I like TV via a laptop, a cat on my lap, a sweetie by my side... and to be dreaming by 11 pm.

Yeah, I'm older now.

But happier.