…Perhaps we were only mildly entertained. Regardless, please enjoy these Reviews, Responses, Works of Fiction, and Retellings brought to you by one who hopes to someday join the ranks of those who have written something worth reading.
(Kaylia Metcalfe)

Also, don't forget to visit Kaylia's Official Website where you can get information about Kaylia's upcoming events, and learn more about her free lance writing and other publications.

Adventures in Dining

I ate at In-N-Out Burger today for the first time. I won't be back.

It hasn’t really been for a political reason or a emotional reason that I have avoided In-N-Out in the past, it has had more to do with my reticence to give in to anything that gets THAT much hype… but also because when I do eat at fast food places, I tend to have a few that I like or that I at least know well enough to warrant going there.

But today, I was with a group of people and not in charge of my own destiny…. So, when they said “We are going to In-N-Out” I was amenable to going.

It turned out that we were “THAT” family in the restaurant today.

First off, as we entered, I said, all nonchalant –like “So, I can get chicken nuggets, right?”


No? No chicken nuggets? What sort of burger join is this? (Ok, so yeah, “burger joint” doesn’t automatically preclude chicken nuggets, but I was still surprised.)

No worries, I said, still all confident, I’ll just get a chicken sandwich or some sort.


When they say burger, they mean beef. The end.

Oh…. Well… ummm… I can’t actually eat beef. It makes me sick.


Have I mentioned that I was at this restaurant with my Aunt, my cousin/sister –Jennifer- and Jennifer’s two little girls, my “nieces” Olivia who is 6 and Bailee who is 3.

We had been at the mall for hours.


We are all tired, some of us are cranky, many of us need to eat in the next few moments to avoid fainting or tears. (or both)

Also, the two little girls had been talking about going to In-N-Out all day… so far be it from me to cause a problem. I wait in line while the other two ladies entertain them and wait my turn. At the counter:

“Hi, I was wondering if there is anything you have that isn’t beef?”
“Oh sure, we have a veggie patty or a grilled cheese.”
“Great! I’ll take the veggie patty.”
“Ok, it comes with lettuce, sauce, tomato, and onions.”
“Oh, let’s leave off the tomato and the onions.”
“Ok, do you want cheese?”
“No thanks.”

I added fries and a drink and feeling a bit embarrassed for having this much trouble with my order I turned from the counter. And promptly dropped almost three dollars in change, mostly nickels and dimes, from the pocket of my purse.

All over the floor.

Ok. Let’s all take a deep breath and consider… I’m 8 months pregnant, I can’t bend, I am already pushing my high pulse rate at this point… and now everyone is staring.

I look across the restaurant at Jennifer and Auntie Ree who are chatting by the windows.

I wave my hands, I call out “Auntie Ree… Jennifer… JENNIFER!!!”

But their conversation is very engaging and they can’t hear me.

So I scamper over to them, continuing to wave and call out… … I have to get right up next to them before they notice me, “Please,” I say, but then words fail me, I can’t quickly enough explain what I need, “please come”

Jennifer follows me back and we find a kind fellow customer has already collected my change. I thank her profusely and just then my order comes up. Perfect timing.

Or so I thought.

I get my tray and head over to the table where I discover that my “burger” consists of two pieces of bread, some sort of sauce, lettuce… and… nothing. No patty.

My aunt returns to the counter with my tray and my receipt while I take my turn entertaining the very young and very hungry little girls.

She comes back with bad news: “They don’t have anything they can do, they don’t have veggie patties here. We can go somewhere else for you after the little girls eat.”

So… I get to make a meal out of slightly cold fries?


I march back up to the counter.

“Hi, I say,  “I didn’t get a patty in my burger.”
“We don’t have patties.”
“But.. you told me you did when I asked what your vegetarian options were.”
“We can give you a grilled cheese.”
“Ok, fine, let’s trade this for a grilled cheese.”
“Ok,, hang on.” She turns to another worker, “What do I ring up?”
Another round of explanations.
“Oh, says helpful co-worker, “Just charge her for extra cheese.”
Me: “No. I’m sorry but no, you can’t charge me to do an exchange.”
“But you are returning a veggie patty.”
“No… I’m returning an empty burger.”
“But we don’t have patties.’
We go around again until I get to the end of my rope.

“Look,” My hands are flat on the counter, my voice has risen, “I asked for your vegetarian options. You said ‘veggie patty’. The word ‘patty’ constitutes a physical thing, a presence of an object that has been labeled as ‘patty’ , not the construct of empty space. If you do not sell any such physical objects, then you lied to me. At this point I need to eat. I can’t eat beef and the only other option is your grilled cheese. So, since you lied, you need to take back this empty space filled sandwich and provide me with a grilled cheese sandwich At No Extra Charge. Got it?”

They got it.

I even got new –hot- fries.

So, yeah… regardless of the politics of the Christian owners (only sign I saw of this was the “John 3:16” printed on the bottom of the drink cups) they don’t have food there that I enjoyed eating… so… yeah. Won’t be back.

Can someone please tell me what the hype is all about? I don’t get it.

The Sound.... of...

An alarm.

At the hospital.

(don't worry, it wasn't attached to me in any way)

It was, however, pretty annoying... but... There was a silver lining!

Also, I was in for a check up thing, no need to worry on that front either. Both Ella nd I are doing fine!

Resting, in that busy sort of way.

Resting is hard work. Well, the way I do it anyway.

It involves still being able to work on my laptop... answering emails, promoting my book etc and also building and promoting and managing the three new websites for Gay Central Valley.

The Gay Ventral Valley Main Site
The Fresno LGBT Community Center
The Rainbow Delegation

They aren't perfect, but they don't suck either, so I say bloody bravo for me! :)

Anyway, back to resting.

I have to rest with my feet elevated. As in, waist level or higher. (This will help with the swelling... when they tell you that as a pregnant lady your feet will swell, they weren't joking.)

Which means working at my desk is out. (apparently staying "off my feet" is not good enough... they must be listed up up and away!)

So I tried the bed... only to discover that due to the HUGE belly and the bad eyes, I could watch Netflix in bed, but couldn't really see to read or write.

So, thankfully the Maifan-San had an idea of using the (new) kitchen table withe my feet on a chair. Which works... but.. wow, I never realized how much you move while sitting. My legs sort of cramp in this position and my knees keep hitting the hard underside of the solid oak table.

But, rest, feet up, I shall!

It won't last forever... just another 5-8 weeks!

The "Lady" Survey

Sometimes I makeyoutube videso.

Not often... some might say "not often enough" other would probably say "way too often" but whatever.

Here is my latest:

-note, I didn't actually have a list of the questions, I had to jot them down while watching Unseldomdrastic's video response... but afterwards I got a list... so if my answers aren't right on topic, that's my fault entirely.

The Lady Survey:
1. Who are your favourite female YouTubers?
2. Who are your favourite female athletes?
3. What is your favourite book written by a female with a female protagonist?
4. What is your favourite film written by a female with a female protagonist?
5. Who is your favourite female fictional character?
6. What is the biggest problem facing female creators today (and any solutions)?
7. Do you think youtube and online video in general are better or worse suited than television for tackling the problems and prejudices women face in the workplace?
8. What do you pledge to do to make the internet a better environment for all creators?
9. Tell us a story/secret whatever featuring women!
Rachel's Bonus Question! What's a better name than the Lady Survey?

I'm going to hell


And not because I am not a believer.

Not because I'm bi.

Not because I'm living in sin and having a baby out of wedlock.


I'm going to hell because when I saw this:

I thought "How sad, someone is punishing that poor alien with leet speak and bad grammar!"

Really though? Isn't this the same lame-brain socially sympathy driven crazy that led people to think that changing their online avatar to a cartoon character would do anything, anything, about child abuse?

Really people?

I mean, I know that this country suffers from "the stupid" on a colossal scale.  But this stuff? This stuff just seems like a bad Poe version of itself.

Not to mention that it is borderline offensive to those who have suffered or died from cancer (or lost loved ones). "Gee, if only there had been this creepy ass meme around ten years ago and enough people had "liked" it, Uncle Peter might still be with us."

/grumble grumble

So, yeah.

I'm going to hell.

(But at least according to the internet, hell will be full of gay sex and BDSM novel writers while all those alien children will be in heaven, right?)


Whew, now that the 500th post is behind me, I can get back to writing!

I want to tell you all about NOH8.

This photographic project started in late 2008 after Prop 8 passed (which as you probably know took away the right to marry from same-sex couples). First with friends, then with celebrities, and finally as an international movement, photographer Adam has taken thousands of photos of people with the trademark NOH8 tattoo and duct tape.

I love the idea of this silent protest. I love the idea of placing yourself into a position of oppression to draw attention to the fact that you are oppressed... and then the freedom to rip away the tape and shout to the world that you do have a voice, that your voice is mighty and that you matter.

I like the simplicity of the photos, pure, white, red, black, skin tones.... I like the simplicity of the idea and how complex the metaphor is.

Last week, Gay Central Valley helped bring the NOH8 campaign to Fresno!

This was the first time the campaign has been in the Central Valley and we had an awesome turnout! Around 500 photos were taken! Photos of LGBT-ers, photos of straight allies, photos of families, photos of friends.... photos of supporters!

I won't have my official one for about 8 weeks (I might have already given birth by then, gulp) and I will show it off here once it comes in. In the meantime, here is my NOH8 face via my phone:

I just want to say thank you to NOH8 and to all the great sponsors here in Fresno that helped make this happen! (Check out the full recap here).

Oh! And I got quoted in one of the news stories!


Happy 500th Post!

I realized the other day that my next blog post would be number 500. (by other day, I mean the end of June)

This was exciting but suddenly I felt that I HAD to write something worth reading, something profound, something worthy of being my 500th post!

And so… I got nervous.

Nothing seemed right. Nothing seemed good enough.

I could write about the pregnancy, the baby, the family drama, the crazy other family drama, the political issues of right now, the funny sex story of last week, the yummy food I ate and the yummy food I didn’t….

But none of that seemed right or good enough for a 500th post.

So, I waited. Surly inspiration would strike.

I waited some more.

I thought about writing about my friends, old and new, I thought about writing about lists of things to do, places to visit, goals I have set and met since starting this blog, goals I am setting for myself now, funny moments on the bus, weird dreams, links to funny cat photos or other people’s blogs…. Still, nothing seemed right.

Weeks went by.

Now there was even more pressure! Having put it off this long, I had better come up with something AMAZING… or what was the point of waiting?

Still, I waited.

Finally, at dinner the other night, I confessed my blockage. “I just, I want it to be something worth note since it is the 500th post.” I told a group of friends.

They were sympathetic but adamant: “Just write it already, don’t get distracted by the post number.”

So, finally, I decided I would.
I could.

I will!

Her I go! To break the silence of th blog and write the 500th post!

Dear Blog Readers, for my 500th post I decided to write about my inability to get over myself and my crazy expectations and my neurosis in writing this, my 500th post. Thank you all for sticking with me for the past few years. I have loved writing this blog and I hope to keep doing it for another 500 posts.

How very meta.

And yet, how very fitting… as any of you who have read even half of the past500 posts will have realized.


Glad that’s over!

Now I can write about all that other stuff!