STICKY

PERHAPS WE LEARNED SOMETHING.....
…Perhaps we were only mildly entertained. Regardless, please enjoy these Reviews, Responses, Works of Fiction, and Retellings brought to you by one who hopes to someday join the ranks of those who have written something worth reading.
(Kaylia Metcalfe)

Watching the Weight

So a while ago I went to the doctor. It was a regular check up, nothing special. I mentioned that I had put on a bit of weight an was worried about putting on more. I asked her what she thought.

She glanced at my chart and then looked at me. “yeah, you definitely need to lose at least 15 pounds.”

This was not really what I had thought I would hear.

“Really?”

“Yes, join a gym.”

“I… I go to the gym, I walk…’ I was going to say I walked two miles a day and really didn’t eat that much but she cut me off.

“Join Weight Watchers.”

I just looked at her. “That’s…. your advice?”

She nodded and closed my file. Standing up she extended her hand to me, “Yup. Join Weight Watchers, use your gym, drop at east 15 pounds. Okay, it was great seeing you today.”

She shook my hand and was gone before my mouth was even closed.

So… I joined Weight Watchers. I learned the point value of everything I eat. I monitor, I weigh in, I buy special food and eat extra veggies.

And I have lost almost ten pounds.

Which is good… it is nice to see that happen and I guess my doctor would be pleased. I, on the other hand, haven’t really noticed any changes. My clothes fit the same, I do’t have any more or less energy, and I just seem to spend more time thinking about food than almost anything else.

Yesterday though someone said to me “Wow, I can see that you have lost weight. You look good.” And suddenly it mattered.

So, I have about five pounds to go. Not sure what happens when I hit my goal… will I ever be able to eat French toast or cookies ever again?

And on that note… it is the end of September, a particularly trying month. I feel optimistic about October, I hope you do as well.

Mathematical Proof That Blind Faith Sucks

Fun with Math….

I received a forward this morning. (Hee. You know where this is going right?)

The first part was pretty simple… it showed how numbers are really really cool… and how patterns are there for the finding… and how math can be interesting.

Also, that symmetry is inherently fascinating.


1 x 8 + 1 = 9
12 x 8 + 2 = 98
123 x 8 + 3 = 987
1234 x 8 + 4 = 9876
12345 x 8 + 5 = 98765
123456 x 8 + 6 = 987654
1234567 x 8 + 7 = 9876543
12345678 x 8 + 8 = 98765432
123456789 x 8 + 9 = 987654321

1 x 9 + 2 = 11
12 x 9 + 3 = 111
123 x 9 + 4 = 1111
1234 x 9 + 5 = 11111
12345 x 9 + 6 = 111111
123456 x 9 + 7 = 1111111
1234567 x 9 + 8 = 11111111
12345678 x 9 + 9 = 111111111
123456789 x 9 +10= 1111111111

You get the drift.

Ok, great.

Bu then…

Then there was this part….

We have all been in situations where someone wants you to GIVE OVER 100%... How about ACHIEVING 101%? What equals 100% in life?
Here's a little mathematical formula that might help answer these questions:

If:
A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z
Is represented as:
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26.
Then:
H-A-R-D-W-O- R- K 8+1+18+4+23+15+18+11 = 98%
And:
K-N-O-W-L-E- D-G-E 11+14+15+23+12+5+4+7+ 5 = 96%
A-T-T-I-T-U- D-E 1+20+20+9+20+ 21+4+5 = 100%

THEN, look how far the love of God will take you:
L-O-V-E-O-F- G-O-D 12+15+22+5+15+ 6+7+15+4 = 101%

Therefore, one can conclude with mathematical certainty that: While Hard Work and Knowledge will get you close, and Attitude will get you there, It's the Love of God that will put you over the top!


Hmmm,

Mathematical certainty eh?

What if I try S-A-T-A-N-I-S-T?

19+1+20+1+14+9+19+20 = 103

So… worshiping Satan will allow you to give more than Love Of God.

Nifty.

Ok, but that’s silly right… I mean, what if you don’t believe in either God or Satan?

How about Blind Faith?

B-L-I-N-D-F-A-I-T-H

2+12+9+14+4+6+1+9+20+8 = 85




Yikes, Blind Faith won’t even get you a B+…


….


What’s a befuddled easily led email forwarding reader to do?

Oh right:

Skeptical Thought

S-K-E-P-T-I-C-A-L-T-H-O-U-G-H-T

19+11+5+16+20+9+3+1+12+20+8+15+21+7+8+20 = 195


Dude… Skeptical Thought will get you almost 200%! That’s… like almost double Love of God!

Just sayin’…..

Happiness is a warm something or other.

Some rather nice things….


Water on the moon! Not a lot... but a little has some possibly big consequences.


Speaking of a little bit... a little bit of success for the AIDs Vaccine


Soon my ifonay will be able to send and receive photos a-la text messages which will make the game "Where ae you?" soooo much more fun!

And then there's this....

From: Yahoo! Reminder
To: kaylia_marie@yahoo.com
Sent: Thursday, September 24, 2009



Title: Matthew Comes Home!

Date: Thursday September 24, 2009
Time: 9:00 pm


Oh… and apparently some man on the train this morning confused me with Debbie Harry.



“Move it Blondie!” he yelled.
“Yeah, I mean you, let’s go!” (when I turned and looked at him.

Let me point out that we were both trying to board a train at 715 in the morning. Additional information would include that he was behind me, that the train was really crowded, and that I was letting the little old lady get off the train before getting on myself. Even if I had wanted to “move it” unless I was okay with running down that little old lady, I couldn’t.

Also? I'm not blond.



But whatever,

Now I have "Call Me" stuck in my head... and so should you!



Happy Thursday!

Dump DOMA

From the People for The American Way:



After months of pressure and activism by People For the American Way supporters, through our Dump DOMA campaign, Congress now has a bill in front of it that would repeal the so-called Defense of Marriage Act (DOMA). Thank you to Rep. Jerrold Nadler (D-NY) for introducing the bill. At the press conference announcing the bill last week, the Congressman said, "we can and we will dump DOMA once and for all."


Many inside Washington thought this bill didn't stand enough of a chance to be introduced. But the bill, H.R. 3567, already has 94 cosponsors. And the number seems to be growing every day. This shows the power of activism and what a grassroots groundswell can produce.


DOMA is discriminatory and wrong. The federal government has no right to put up barriers to equality. More and more people who supported the bill when it was passed are now supporting its repeal. Bill Clinton, the President who signed DOMA into law, supports Nadler's bill to repeal it. Former Republican Congressman Bob Barr, the 1996 bill's chief sponsor, now thinks DOMA should be repealed.


Rep. Earl Blumenauer (D-OR) wrote a very personal and honest op-ed about his vote for DOMA in 1996, how he regrets it and why he strongly supports its repeal. It's here on Huffington Post. I suggest that you read it, and I ask that you pass it on to anyone you might know who is on the fence about DOMA and marriage equality as an issue.





Here's what else YOU can do:



1. If you have not done so already, sign our Dump DOMA petition -- it has over 25,000 signers so far and we want to get that number way higher so Rep. Nadler can use it to help move his bill. Ask others to sign as well. We'll be taking the petition signatures up to the Hill this week. .



2. Check out the list of 94 cosponsors. If your representative is one of them (or Rep. Nadler), call and thank him or her for standing up and supporting this very important bill. If not, contact your representative and ask that they sign on as a cosponsor. You can find your representative's contact information here.



3. Join (and publicize) our Dump DOMA Facebook group.



4. If you have a bit of extra cash, Donate to our fight to Dump DOMA.



Thank you for fighting the good fight and for showing the power of grassroots activism. Let's keep it up!

/Bounce

Ok… it’s official!

My book has been sent to the printers!

I will get a preview advanced copy to check out and okay before it goes “live” in the next week and a half or so….

Want to see the final cover?



A bit different yes? But oh so nice!

We are still on for an official release day of October 7th! And yes, I will be letting you know of the half a dozen ways in which you could own your very own copy.


For those of you who Reserved Your Copy and entered the drawing… I will be holding the pulling a name out of the hat in the next few days and will announce the winner early next week!

Happy Friday!

The Dentist: He Who Inspired No Faith

Yeah… I’ve been busy.

Let’s leave it at that for now.

A bit ago I told y’all about my misadventures at the eye doctor’s office yes? Well… the fun didn’t stop there… no indeed… I had myself a good old fashioned wacky time at the Dentist’s office as well!

First off, the office was hidden. As in, no sign, no address.

Secondly, the office was tiny. Smaller than my parent’s house in the 1985 (before the remodel)… you know, where there are two tiny bedrooms (big enough for a skinny person and a king sized bed but nothing else) a living room the size of a modern day cubicle and a kitchen/dinning room that could double as either… but not easily as both. In other words… tiny and cramped and maybe at this point my radar should have been screaming but it had been a few years since I last saw a dentist and now that I actually have dental insurance, I figured I would stick it out.

How bad could it be?

I gave my insurance card to the nice little lady behind the desk and sat don in the one and only chair. The waiting room was about ten feet by three feet… it was her desk, my chair, and a fish tank with no fish in it. Colorful plants, yes. Bubbles, yes. No fish.

I filled out the paperwork and then they called me back. Let me point out here that I was a good 20 minutes early and so after filling out the paperwork and waiting, I was shown to a dental chair just about on the dot of when my appointment was supposed to start.

I climbed up in the chair, crossed my ankles, and waited.

And waited and waited and waited.

For Forty-Five minutes, I waited.

Forty-Five long boring silent no contact with anyone minutes.

Eventually I went to see what had become of the rest of the world. I was assured “he” would be in soon.

Back to the chair. Another ten minutes.

Enter Mr. H.

Mr. H: Hello!
Me: Hi.
Mr. H: Why are you here today?
Me: I need a cleaning, haven’t seen a dentist in at least three years, maybe longer.
Mr. H: Any pain?
Me: Nope.
Mr H. Any complaints?
Me: Nope
Mr H: Then why are you here?

This went on for a bit. Eventually I convinced him to clean my teeth.

Which he didn’t really do. He did rinse them with water, poke them with a plaque remover, look at them all very carefully, and then disappeared.

He was back in a few minutes, leaned my chair back, and then (without the benefit of a napkin, paper towel of one of those bibs you expect to get, proceeded to spray, suction, and scrape away for a while.

I proceeded to gag, spit, cough, cringe, and occasionally whimper. Then there was more gagging.

After a bit of this Mr. H (who I guess doubles as both the dentist and the hygienist) told me I was fine. No cavities, but I should brush more often. Then, leaving the chair reclined and me gasping for breath, he disappeared.

I waited. I waited some more.

Ten minutes later I poked my head out of the cubicle… Mr. H was at the end of the hallway.

Oh, he said noticing me, are you leaving now?

No, I replied, I was waiting for you.

Mr. H: (confused) For what?
Me: Is that it?
Mr H: Did you want something else?

I collected my stuff, woke up the receptionist, watched her spend another ten minutes looking for my insurance card “Are you sure I didn’t give it back to you already?” and eventually left.

My teeth did not feel clean.

What a singularly awful dental experience! I cannot begin to describe my severe lack of faith in Mr. H’s ability to diagnose anything regarding good oral hygiene. I am tempted to contact the insurance company and tell them that visit shouldn’t count, that I want a new dentist, and that I want an actual clean feeling on my teeth next time.

Did I mention he was missing three of his front teeth?

District 9




At once buddy cop anti government and freedom fighter while being highly stylized and horribly graphically gory, this movie is not for the faint of heart, or the weak of stomach. Also, if you are annoyed by plot holes and if narrative flow is important to you, I recommend that you skip this one and take refuge in something better executed, like Moon.

I had heard a lot about this movie and was excited to see it. Perhaps my expectations were too high… perhaps my sensitivities for plot holes and break of narrative devices are too sensitive. Either way, while the movie was decent… it did leave me with an overwhelming feeling of “Blech.”

Which isn’t always a bad thing. But in this case… it wasn’t really a good thing either.

First, the movie, which follows the misadventure of a mid level bureaucrat tasked with relocating 1.8 million alien Prawns from their ghetto into a concentration camp sort of place, is an interesting story.



The allegory to apartheid isn’t lost and the disconnect between liberal ideals and reality showcased in the foils of the bureaucratic versus military standpoint is well played. The aliens themselves are nicely done from a special effects standpoint and it is almost refreshing that the entire situation takes place in Johannesburg , South Africa and not New York .

Of course the eviction of the aliens doesn’t go as planned, of course there is an evil conspiracy, of course humanity’s love affair with weapons and violence is showcased. From the Nigerian gangs to the white scientists, a picture of human nature at it basest and lowest is painted. At the center is Wikus who starts off as an insensitive bumbling sort of bigot and turns into a sympathetic bumbling idiot. This is a character only a mother could love… in fact his own mother does appear on screen long enough to admit that he was rather annoying but, after all, he was her son. The only way to not hate the character is to accept that you don’t necessarily like him, but were still going to root for him anyway.




On the whole, not bad.

But there were, of course, problems.

The shtick, besides aliens landing in Africa and then being forced to live in slums, is the documentary style in which much of the film was shot. As narrative devices go, this can be a very decent way to tell a story. A few issues invariably arise however. The first is the constant movement of the camera work that can make many audience members nauseous. (There was also an awful lot of gore, which gets more graphic in shots like this.) I, however, wasn’t bothered by the movement having never had any sort of motion sickness issue. No, what bothered me was more of a breakdown in narrative flow.

If you are going to make a movie documentary style, then you should never have moments that are clearly not part of the documentary. Having times when the shot, the angle, the subject is obviously not part of documentary footage breaks down the narrative flow. Having shots that further the story but don’t fit in… well that is just sloppy film making.

Then there was the element of, what I like to call, Plot Spackle. In this case it was magic liquid that not only could pilot a space ship, but also change human DNA into alien DNA.

These things with some very large plot holes made a movie that had a good idea…. It just wasn’t executed as well as it could have been.

It eventually comes down to how much slack you personally want to cut the filmmakers in the name of “cool idea” and “original idea.” Again, the acting was good, the special effects were believable, the plot holes were distracting, and the overall feel of the movie suffered by being made in a way that wasn’t actually a helpful way to tell what was, at its core, a very nifty story indeed.


Watch the D9 preview here


Here's a clip:

Reminder!

Just in case you need a reminder:



Get your name on the list by September 15th and you will be entered into a drawing for a FREE AUTOGRAPHED copy!

It is easy and free to enter… just Reserve Your Copy on my website.


www.kayliametcalfe.com

Visions of America

Book Review for Visions of America






The idea of this mammoth coffee table book was to showcase the idea of Democracy through pictures.

The thing is… Democracy is an idea, it is hard to put an image along with it that isn’t something Congress, White House, Roman Senators, or Simple Waving Flag.

Joseph Sohm doesn’t go that route though…. Instead he shows the reader Democracy by tying the idea of Democracy to the idea of America… something much easier to photograph..



American people: at play, at work, in politics, in sports… American places: rural landscapes and city sky lines. This book is a gorgeous array of several of the puzzle pieces that make up the mosaic of American life. The shots are well composed, perfectly places on the pages, bright, colorful, resonating with patriotism and power.



And they are beautiful.

I like the state by state (even if I wish there had been more of it) I loved the large beautiful shots (even if a few were slightly cliché… clichés are there for a reason, because they work.) This book never failed to illicit murmurs of admiration from the people who flipped through it.



And almost everyone who has entered my apartment over the last few weeks has flipped through it, which is no small task… the book is huge and heavy. But it was worth it. As people flipped, they paused at the photographs, they nodded to themselves, they told stories of their own lives that they were suddenly reminded of because of the photographs.

No one read the text, which is a shame because it is here that Sohm really shines. But, of course, that isn’t the point of a coffee table book. The point is of visuals that impact and stay with you.

This book then, is a success.




Post script: I don’t normally put my own politics into my reviews… and today will be nom exception. However, I would like to point out that our country is currently divided over some pretty big issues and it is nice to see something positive. I think we could all benefit from taking a moment and dwelling on the good parts of our country no matter our differing opinions. I encourage you to visit the Sohm’s website and to enjoy the video below.








Mandatory Bus Ride Fun

I am not going to complain.

Tomorrow is a Mandatory Shut Down Day for my company. In the interests in saving money they are making us all stay home and not work. Which is just dandy for a lot of people… they just tap into that Vacation time that has been accruing and the paycheck doesn’t have to suffer.

Also, Monday is a holiday… again, the “real” employees don’t care… they get paid anyway.

These things are not true for a “Contract” person such as myself. (By the way, I have been a “Contract” person on a three month contract for two and a half years now… This is another source of quiet angst, but I digress.)

I don’t get to accrue vacation. I don’t get paid for holidays. In fact, because they are so concerned about saving money that even though there is plenty of work to be done… I am not allowed to work on these days… so I get a four day weekend and two paychecks in a row get stiffed.

But again… not complaining. Because I managed to make two different doctor appointments for Friday meaning that I won’t have to take time off in the future.

Score one for me!

Now… getting to the doctors’ offices is no small task… I can’t just zip over to them. It is a bit more complicated than that.

Again though… not complaining.

Because really, it wouldn’t do any good. And besides that, I am actually very lucky. I live in Santa Cruz. I work in San Jose. My doctors’ offices are spread out between the two… BUT San Jose and Santa Cruz, (despite being about 40 miles apart) both have pretty decent public transportation options.

Which is a Must Have if you are a non-driver like me.

So, without further ado, I present to you my Transit Schedule for Tomorrow. Knowing that I have a MD appointment at 10am and a DDS appointment at 2pm, I have planned accordingly.

(Take a look at this and then tell me that you hate being stuck in traffic, that you resent gas prices, that your car insurance is too much….)


Leave home at 7:40
Catch the 7:55 HW 17 Bus  San Jose
Arrive San Jose Train Station 8:55
Take the Light Rail (MtV / Wch) at 9:22
Arrive Downtown Campbell 9:35
Walk to Dr.’s office (15 minutes)

Appointment at 10:00
Appointment should end around 11:15

Have lunch with dad in downtown Campbell

Walk back to LR station (leave Campbell at 12:35)
Take the LR (MtV / Wch) at 12:50
Arrive 1st and Santa Clara at 1:12
Take the #23 bus at 1:32  Alum Rock
Arrive Santa Clara and 13th at 1:45

Appointment at 2:00
Appointment should end around 3:00

At this point I could do a bunch of reverse steps to get home… but instead I am getting a ride home with Jaime who lives in downtown… and who will be helping me with that whole “new roommate” thing I hinted at before. Look for photos and news regarding that on Saturday.

And then my long vacation weekend can begin!

Again... not complaining. Just saying that people should really not take the zippiness and speed and ease of driving for granted.

It is a privilege... so look both ways, drive safely and quit complaining about red lights.

And be nice to us pedestrians.

Geeky Girl Crush

I love Felicia Day.




I loved her on Buffy ( a s Slayer in training season 7)



I loved her in Dr. Horrible’s Sing-A-Long Blog as Penny.



I loved her in the unaired episode of Dollhouse (Epitaph One)



And of course, I loved her in The Guild.



And now, now I have a reason to love The Guild and Felicia Day even more:

As a former WoW addict, who did in fact date guild mates, this struck a chord.







Happy “Hump” Day everyone!

Let The Countdown Begin!

My book, Links: the delightful debut short story collection you are all probably sick of hearing about, is only about a month or so away from being here! (Give or take a week or so… publishers run on “Hawaii Time” it seems.)

Here is the current proposed cover art:



Ain’t it pretty? It will probably look pretty different once the design team has their say, but for now, let this image dance in your head.*

From the back of the book:

A mother struggling to forge a connection with the daughter she lost years ago, the emptiness and frustration of a lonely marriage, a sweet sexual coming of age, a sisters' shared innocent rebellion, a surprising moment of horrific introspection, a moment of closure that shadows any hope for new beginnings...these stories and more showcase the links that everyday people struggle to create.

These are glimpses of successes, of failures, of hope. They travel deep into the hearts and minds of the regular people who embody our contemporary culture and remind us all of what it means to be human, to be linked.

Although the characters do not know each other, their common desire to find a connection reverberates throughout the collection, connecting each story with themes of loss, change, forgiveness, and acceptance.

Join these extraordinary voices as they weave together a chain of unforgettable Links.


You can read more (including the introduction) by visiting my website: www.kayliametcalfe.com

(Warning: if you are using an old version of IE, the page might need to be refreshed in order to make it not-stretchy… my website guru is hard at work fixing this issue.)

Also…. And here’s the kicker, on my website you have the opportunity to Reserve Your Copy!

It is FREE to Reserve Your Copy, all it takes is a name and an email address… Be one of the First To Know when the book is ready for purchase!

And… if you Reserve Your Copy before September 15th, you are entered to win a FREE AUTOGRAPHED COPY!

Hard to beat, yes?


So, check it out, tell a friend, and check back soon for details about launch parties, books readings, and much much more.

In case you missed it, here I am on the Good Day Sacramento show doing my best to shill myself in a classy way.

Enjoy!





*Actually it will look night and day different… but I am not allowed to show the “work in progress” cover art… Don’t worry, once it gets all finalized, I will be spamming it all over the place.

"Ewwww,...(Insert Pet Peeve here)"

I went to the eye doctor recently. Just a routine check up since it had been a few years… and well, since I have been lucky enough to have undergone several eye surgeries, it is a good idea to check in every now and then.

I am also always optimistic that medical science will have made some great leap and there will be life changing good news regarding my vision.

It was a new doctor, and while the visit went well with no bad news and he was friendly enough, he did have this annoying quirk. He isn’t alone, a lot of people have this same quirk. But, for what should be obvious reasons, it is a quirk that drives me up the wall and is one of the fastest ways for Feminist Kay to come out of her box swinging.

I call it the “Ewww… Glasses!” personality quirk.

You know what I’m talking about right? People, movie makers, fashion sorts, teenage boys, 3rd grade girls, even my wonderful aunt… a lot of people have this quirk and it drives me bonkers.

How many movies show the “unattractive girl” turning “pretty!” with the removal of her glasses? Oh sure, she might also comb her hair or “learn to wear make up” –gag- but the glasses also must be removed or Hot Chick she simple won’t become.

Anyway, my eye doctor, an ophthalmologist, who really ought to know better, has this same quirk. We had a conversation that went like this:

Dr. B. Have you considered lens implants? (My lenses were removed when I was less than a year old… part of the joy of being born with congenital cataracts in 1980)
Me: No… I wasn’t aware I was a viable candidate, aren’t I too old?
Dr. B: No… in fact I could get it scheduled pretty easily and the effects would be great.
Me: Really? Would it greatly improve my vision?
Dr. B: Well, no, not really. It might help with your day to day getting around stuff though.
Me: Like… my peripheral vision?
Dr. B: No, not really.
Me: Oh, like my depth perception?
Dr. B: No… not that either.
Me: Umm, then what would it do for me?
Dr. B: Well, you wouldn’t have to wear your glasses anymore!
(Big grin from him, skeptical eyebrow from me)Me: But… no actual increase in vision?
Dr. B: No.
Me: Wouldn’t that make it cosmetic?

A few minutes later:

Dr. B: Have you considered wearing contacts?
Me: Yes, I have, in fact I wore them as a child and then in high school but they weren’t practical. They made my eyes even more light sensitive and I still had to wear reading glasses.
Dr. B: We could get you a prescription if you wanted.
Me: Would they do anything beneficial? Like, give me better vision?
Dr. B: No, not really.
Me: Better peripheral vision? Better depth perception?
Dr. B: No… neither of those things.
(I try to raise my eyebrow but at this point I am also blinking like crazy and grimacing from the pain of the eye exam.)Kay: Then, what would be the point?
Dr. B. Well.. again… in order to get rid of the glasses.

A few minutes later:

Dr. B: We could always consider another Strabismus surgery.
(I have had a few… Strabismus is what causes the lazy eye thing I have going on.)
I look at him and blink, slowly, partly to show my wariness, partly because he just put drops in my eyes that sting like a mother load of bees.
Kay: What would it do?
Dr. B: It would, um, that is to say, it would straighten your eye out temporarily.
Kay: Temporarily?
Dr. B: Yes, well, -ahem- (he has the good grace to blush) it wouldn’t last, your eyes are damaged enough to not provide enough nerves to fuse….

We look at each other.

Kay: But in the short term, would it actually… (I trail off, letting him finish the thought.)

Dr. B: No, (he sighs) it wouldn’t help your vision at all. But… (he seems compelled to continue) … at least you wouldn’t have to wear your glasses.

By this point I was crying. Mostly because of the pain and discomfort of the actual exam. Mostly.

Yes, I wear glasses… so do a lot of people.

Yes, it would be nice to not have them fog up when I am doing the dishes, straining hot noodles or opening the oven to fresh baked cookies. Yeah, it would be great not to worry about them while dancing, jogging, or getting swept away with passionate kisses.

But really… really, I don’t mind. And personally, my glasses are a) a huge part of me and b) actually help deflect attention from my bad eye.

Why in the world would I want to get rid of such wonderful tools that allow me to walk in a semi straight line,, cross the street without getting hit, read, write, blog, work for a living, get a college degree (In Literature!), cook, watch movies, enjoy scenery, make and hold eye contact, express myself, and in general make my life tens of thousands of ways better… why do people keep trying to tell me that I would be better off without them?

Why do people keep telling me I would be more attractive if I wasn’t wearing them?

When I was 13 I had a teacher (male) tell me that boys wouldn’t like girls with glasses. When I was seven, a dental hygienist (female) told me I would never find a husband unless I got my teeth straightened.

They, along with everyone else who has ever dared to utter similar sentiments to me over the years, are completely full of crap.

Along with my crooked teeth, my short little thumb, my random scars and other body imperfections, my glasses don’t make me any more of less attractive. I rely on my genuine smile, my intelligence (from all that book learnin’), and my fantastic set of bedroom skills for that.

I left the eye doctor’s office and blinking stepped into the sun. With the help of my iPhone’s GPS I managed to find my way to the nearest bus stop and half an hour later I was relaxing on my couch with my feet up, a book on my lap, enjoying the scent of big beautiful flowers from the wonderful Maifan-San.

Take that Dr. B and all the rest of the "Ewwww Glasses!" bigots.