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PERHAPS WE LEARNED SOMETHING.....
…Perhaps we were only mildly entertained. Regardless, please enjoy these Reviews, Responses, Works of Fiction, and Retellings brought to you by one who hopes to someday join the ranks of those who have written something worth reading.
(Kaylia Metcalfe)

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Coming Out

I came out to my grandmother today.

Let me be clear. I am out, and loudly so, in many places. I strive to challenge the automatice default assumption of straightness that my marriage to a man illicits.

In many places.

In most places.

But my grandmother... it never seemed relevant or necessary.

At least that is what I told myself

Today though... today she railed against the Supreme Court.  She talked about Biblical marriage. She talked about the persecution of Christians. She talked about the unfairness of people having to be treated the same.

She said that homosexuals didn't deserve marriage because they weren't able to love the right way.

Today, it got relevant.

And so today I spoke up. I spoke passionately. I refused to back down. I challenged her assumptions. And then I challenged them again. I went toe to toe regarding the Bible, the job of the government, the persecution, or lack thereof, of Christians in the US.

And I told her that I am bi. That I love men and women, that I have dated men and women, and that I could have just as easily wanted to marry a woman.

And that I am fully capable of love. And that I, and all the homosexuals, deserve equality.

It was... not the conversation I thought I would be having on my walk to Panera.

Over the past few years I have heard a lot of people talk about the one on one conversations that change people's minds. I don't know if this conversation did more harm than good... but I can't really feel too guilty about speaking up. It was time.

I'm pretty sure that I am out to everyone now.

I'm very lucky that I was not in danger while coming out. I am lucky that my coming out has almost always ended well. I am lucky that even when she refused to talk about this anymore, my grandmother told me that she loved me.

I take none of that for granted.





My Rededication

It is that awkward week between the holidays and the beginning of the new year.

If you are like me, the holidays mean a break from routine... we eat different (and usually more). We sleep different, in different places (and usually a bit less). We ignore things we would be up in arms about the other 11 months of the year (she said what? Meh) and we fixate on things that don't really matter (but does this bow match this wrapping paper better?)

And in the back of our heads as we help ourselves to more green bean casserole or yet another sugar cookie... as we settle in on the couch to watch a movie or we decide that we deserve a nap on our day off... there is that sinking little feeling just behind your right eye... a little gnome that is whispering, "better get it out of your system now.. the diet/exercise regime/whatever it is starts on the first..."

This year I am starting my New Years Resolutions or Renewals or Rededications or whatever you want to call them early. I figure, since my life was all wonky, why go backwards... just start anew, now!

I am optimistic that this approach will keep me on task a bit longer into the year because instead of spending the first two weeks of january starting new things and bemoaning the last two weeks of gluttony, I will start January with a few new habits already in place, if not totally routine yet.

On a related note, I have decided to pass up a paid nonfiction writing gig to focus more on my fiction writing. 

Happy New Year.


Growing up is hard to do.

I turn 34 today. 

I always like to think back x number of years... Birthdays make me introspective. 

10 years ago
5
1

20... At 14 I could never have imagine where life would take me. 

But here's the thing, I'm married (again). I am a mother to the world's most precious 2 year old. I have writing cred and some professional cred as well. There are a few circles where I am respected. 

But I'm still that awkward nail chewing klutzy day dreamer 14 year old inside. 

And this morning proved it. 

In a bout of misguided maturity, I decided this was the morning to learn how to blow dry my hair.

Instead of ending with a mane of delightfully fluffy beautiful magazine ready hair, the experiment ended with a few tears, the loss of some hair, a bit of smoke,  and the realization that while one should try to experience new things, the trial run should probably not be done in front of the all seeing toddler. 

The morning also included a run in between the large very heavy hamper and the said toddlers little face. Note to self: when moving a large hamper please make sure that there is no toddler or other dangerouse obstruction within a 10 feet radius of you, your flailing arms, or the heavy objects. 
Secondary note: the cat, who is a black little ninja of death, also counts as an obstruction. 

We survived the morning and are now enjoying our Panera breakfast. 

Let's hope the rest of the day (year) is less exciting. 



December Article: 2014 in Review LGBT-wise

I have an article up on Community Alliance

Here you go!

Whatever you celebrate this season, please do it with gumption and flair!


Eye Update

I left off on a good note... and then woke up with rainbows and lose of vision all over again.

Weeks later, so many many many trips to Kaiser, new meds, old meds, pills that are INSANE in terms of price, steroid drops that make me ill, and so much pain and aggravation later...

THIS is where we stand.

My eyes are getting better. The glaucoma is being caused by an inflammation. Despite all the tests (including a chest x-ray) they have no idea what is causing the inflammation. So... they can treat the symptom, but not the cause.

Also, the treatment isn't going as smooth as it should be.

So. Another two weeks on drops that make me sick, but no more drops that make my fingers and toes go numb. Two more weeks of blurry vision, sensitivity to light, and difficulty reading. But no more pills that cost an arm and a leg. (unless stuff, and then it all comes back... so yay for living in mild state of wary panic at all times... is that blurry too blurry or just a smudge on my glasses....)

Hopefully we will kick the crap out of the inflammation and they won't have to up the number of times I drop little bits of pain into my eyes from four times a day to (gulp) six or eight.

Since they don't know what is causing it, they will have to monitor me carefully to catch it if/when it comes back.

And now you know.




I have Glaucoma and I love Kaiser

I got new glasses last week.



Totally unrelated except for the "wow, that's a weird coincidence"... last weekend I developed glaucoma.

At first I thought I was having trouble adjusting to my new prescription. Then i thought I was getting a migraine. But soon the rainbows around all the light sources and the loss of focus, the inability to read, and the inability to see anything but bright light when I would stand up or move around coupled with the hazy fuzzy foggy cloud of smoke that seemed to have taken up residence in front of my eyes.. no, wait.. just my good eye... yeah all this had me starting to freak out a bit.

The next day it hadn't gone away and I was in full on freak out mode.

It was Sunday. I called the switchboard. I asked to talk to the advice nurse.

She referred me to someone in Optometry.

He listened to my plight and then promised to pass along the message to the scheduling team who would call me the next day. "If they don't call you by the end of the day, you can call them to set up an appointment for Tuesday."

I reiterated again how I wasn't able read.

He told me that they would probably want to dilate my eyes so I would need to allow for extra time before driving home.

I started to sob and almost hyperventilated in frustration. Drive? Are you on drugs. I cannot see!  I CANNOT SEE!!!!!

He promised to have the one call doctor call me.

Half an hour later, a call from the on call doctor who will always have a special place in my heart. He listened and told me to meet him at the hospital in thirty minutes.

(Quick note,Kaiser on a Sunday afternoon is very very empty)

He did an exam and told me my pressure was super high and he could see cloudy on my cornea. "Yep," he said matter of factly, "It's glaucoma."

And I was so relieved.

For reals. See, I don't have lenses in my eyes. I have known that I was at risk for glaucoma forever. I have always lived with the idea that there is a real chance my vision will deteriorate and could possibly go away at some point.

Getting glaucoma was just a matter of time... and Dr Waxman was very confident that we had caught it quick enough to stop any serious loss of vision. He gave me drops and made an appointment for me to see the specialist on Tuesday.

I'm going to skip over the rest of the crazy... the vacillating between fear and acceptance, the frustration of being on "eye rest" which meant no reading of any sort (no texting, email, facebook, etc).

After seeing the specialist this morning and having a banner response to the eye drops this is where we stand:

I have glaucoma. I  have lost a tiny bit of vision. My pressure is still higher than ideal, but it is acceptable. It will need to be monitored pretty regularly. I will have to take eye drops twice a day for the rest of my life. This should hold off any more loss of vision. Oh... and since my prescription has changed, I will probably need new glasses... but since I just got new glasses, I should be able to return the new pair for the newer pair.

Really? It was the best prognosis one could possibly hope for.

I'm doing fine, adjusting to my new (only slightly different vision) and the glasses that aren't quite right.

I am very lucky that Matthew has a job that lets us have such good vision insurance. I am very lucky that Kaiser was ON IT and got me in asap. I am SUPER lucky that Chris wasn't busy Sunday afternoon and that Mark was able to come be with me this week and help me care for Ella before the drops started really working and I couldn't see much of anything. I am so very very very lucky to have a partner like Matthew and such a great family and friend support system.

Here's a hope that we don't have any weekends quite that eciting for a while.